Fear Of Failure In Wedding Night

AOA all,

I got married few days back and rukhsati is going to be soon in 20 days. I am masturbation addict i have too many socio-economic problems as well. I am affraid that i will not be able to perform good in sex with my wife.  Due to the fact that in masturbation i used to discharge in few seconds.

Please experienced persons in this regard .. comment and advise..

I have another fear which is physcalogical that if i was involved in masturbation and pornograhpy.. then how can i get a wife which is clean from these kinds of things.. she will be involoved in fingering and my be other illleagle activites like porngraphy etc. My marraige is arranged and i am unable to remove these kinds of thoughts.

I have plan to consult with prof Arshad (author of books in this site) before marraige. will it be helpful.

Turning a new page...

Part 1: The First Night

You are getting married shortly, and the days prior to your wedding will be full of anxiety and nervousness. This is expected of you and your bride-to-be. Although these feelings are normal, they will make having sex on your wedding night difficult. The more tensed you are, the worse you will perform. Keep in mind that you are "making love" to your wife. In other words, you are expressing your love for her in a physical way. Do it wholeheartedly, sensually and be gentle. This will make her feel satisfied and she will be willing to overlook your premature ejaculation dilemma. Keep in mind that you don't need to feel pressurized to do "well"; it's not a competition and you are not trying to impress anyone. Remember that she is your wife, your equal partner and you need her support to make this experience memorable. If you do have this problem, you need to discuss it with your wife and show her that you need her help to make this work for both of you. Be kind and loving and maybe she won't be as bothered by it as you think she will. Visit a doctor and seek professional help.

Part 2: Poisonous Shak:

It is true that Allah has kept pure women for pure men and vice versa. I fully understand your legitimate concern. However, you must repent from your past sins (masturbation, pornography) with the intention that you now wish to live a clean, pure married life. Allah is forgiving and merciful. Once you have repented, you should keep in mind that Allah will indeed give you a pure wife. You are starting a new chapter in your life and so is your bride-to-be. Whatever sins you or she have done in the past shouldnt bother you in the present or the future. Her past life should be of no concern to you. She probably never committed the sins that you are thinking she made a habit of. Even if she did, you must keep in mind that she is a human being with feelings and desires and she can make mistakes. If you start your life with shak you will destroy the happiness and blessings of marriage with your own hands. Shak is the worst thing a man or woman can do in a marriage. If you are having these feelings now, I'm afraid they might worsen in the future. Keep these satanic thoughts away from your mind. By the way, unneccesary shak is a sin in itself.

Hope this helps!

what should i do then

Thanks Suger_lips

I appriciate the way you replied. I hope that my thinking will be normal soon , but as you suggest i should see some doctor , i am confused that what type of doctor should i see, physicatris or some sexialogist.

Regards

Danial

ok

Strange policy.

Thanks for reply goodman

Good man, y are you saying like that , i should not see a doctor at early stage of marriage but later. Will you kindly explain this.

I have red in many post that after marraige masturbation affects will be removed or will have no effect. But no married person have shared his views what happend after marriage. Y it is so. ?

It seems to me very strnage policy of the forum and i hope other persons will agree. This is the only forum upto my knowledge with this kind of usefull information. But they discourage seeing a doctor before marriage and take masturbation effects as normal.

I will definately like to write a book or at least an article that what happend or  what are my experiences after marriage keeping the fact of masturbation addiction in my mind. And i would request other married peoples that please do write their experiences for the guidence of persons like me.

Regards

Danial.

Strange policy.

Thanks for reply goodman

Good man, y are you saying like that , i should not see a doctor at early stage of marriage but later. Will you kindly explain this.

I have red in many post that after marraige masturbation affects will be removed or will have no effect. But no married person have shared his views what happend after marriage. Y it is so. ?

It seems to me very strnage policy of the forum and i hope other persons will agree. This is the only forum upto my knowledge with this kind of usefull information. But they discourage seeing a doctor before marriage and take masturbation effects as normal.

I will definately like to write a book or at least an article that what happend or  what are my experiences after marriage keeping the fact of masturbation addiction in my mind. And i would request other married peoples that please do write their experiences for the guidence of persons like me.

Regards

Danial.

re: fear of failure

danialahad