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Decision Making: Help Me In Taking Decision

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meenam Group: Members  Joined: 25th May, 2008  Topic: 1  Post: 4  Age:  28  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 2:48pm
 

Big Decision Problem

okay well im eneged and i have a bf i never told him yet and this summer im gettin married which i dont want im so sad i cant eat or think i cry most of the time and i dont kno how to tell my parents i dont want to marry my cuzin i have a lover whom i love so much and we cant live widout each other im so scared to tell my dad or mom i dnt want to marry him so please tell me what should i do im so despress and upset when i hear im gettin married and most of my friends know i got a bf im just killing my self over here thinking about what should i do sometime i want to run away but i want to be happy not with my cuzin but with my bf im so worried please help me thanks alot



Seemi Group: Members  Joined: 11th Sep, 2007  Topic: 14  Post: 3812  Age:  31  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 3:14pm
 

Meenam

Meenam Dear!, you didn't clearly describe your problem. How long you have been engaged with your boy friend? What sort of relation you have with him? Have you ever involved in sexual activities with him? Which religion you and your boy friend follow? Have you ever discussed about your boy friend in your family, atleast with your mother?? Does your boy friend know about your engagement? And what does he has feelings about you?

Please reply all these questions.. There is no need to get depressed. Stay cool and look positive.
All the best for your future.
Regards.
meenam Group: Members  Joined: 25th May, 2008  Topic: 1  Post: 4  Age:  28  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 3:21pm
 

thanks

im not engeged with my bf..im engeged with my cousion whose in pakistan
i didnt do anything bad with my boyfriend were just simple like other because im engeged and i cant my mom because im eneged with my cousion whose in pakistan my bf is in american with me and i love him aloth we follow muslim  religion im pathan and he is to im 19 and hes 18 and im just so worried this summer im getting married to my cousion and my bf have no clue about this and it will kill him when i tell him....i cant tell my mom because shes so strict she cares about her self and her religion and im over here stressing im crying day and night im soo confused im so stress i dont kno how to say this to anyone so i came here to seek help..
Seemi Group: Members  Joined: 11th Sep, 2007  Topic: 14  Post: 3812  Age:  31  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 3:35pm
 

Meenam

Please tell me how long you are with your boy friend? And also tell me, when did you get engaged with your cousin? Is it childhood engagement? What you and your boyfriend do? Still student or working??? What level of frankness you have with your fiancee? Have you any elder sister or any close female relative there who can frankly talk to your mother? And how much strict your father and brothers are?

Please reply here.
Regards.
meenam Group: Members  Joined: 25th May, 2008  Topic: 1  Post: 4  Age:  28  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 3:42pm
 

Okay thanks seemi

i got engaged with my cousion last year and i been with my bf this year been almost 5 monthz now my bf respects me and he doesnt take advantage of me i love him from my heart not because im with him he was my bestfriend and all of sudeen we fell in love i never told him about my fiance because i didnt want to hurt him were both student i dont have any elder sisters and i think if i tell them i will get my self killed the next day so im afraid of dying my parents are really stirct they dont want me talking to any boys and im just so upset that if i let my bf go then i might as well stay in pakistan and never come back and might drop my college so he wont see me at all...i always dream of beenin something but when it comes to me marrying someone i dont love i just want to leave everything and be in pakistan so he wont see me and see what shape am i gonna be in....im just so sad i told him once if i marry someone i dont love ill die and hes like ill kil my self thats so sad...i cant tell my parents at all i tried but i cant bring the words out from my mouth...
Seemi Group: Members  Joined: 11th Sep, 2007  Topic: 14  Post: 3812  Age:  31  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 4:14pm
 

Meenam

I got your situation.. and unluckily it is very complex. And you are in the age where you can't handle all matters alone. In Pakistani community, it is male dominent society and male don't respect female feelings. And sometime they don't even bother to ask her what she want and what she feels. I can also understand your mother's point of view as she would also under pressure by your father.

I still can't say anything positive for your boy friend. How can you say he will stay with you forever? NO offense but Usually in this age, male gets involved in relation and leave when they gets some better oppurtunity. Nobody can kill you if you ask for security but after that surely you will be cut off from your family forever. It is a big risk, if you go against your family just for him and if after sometime he leaves you??? What will you do? This is the biggest considerable issue.

I must say, it is your mistake. You was already engaged then why did you get yourself engaged with another guy. Thats not fair. If you didn't like your husband then it is not a soution to be engaged with another guy before resolving the previous issue.

Your fiancee will also be Pathan. If you will marry him, and he would know about your boy friend.. What do you say, how he will behave?

My suggestions for you are : Although you are in love with your boy friend.. which I would say, that is just attraction, not love.... Try to stay away from you boy friend, until issue doesn't resolve. Tell him straightaway that you are engaged with someone else. And if he is interested to marry you, ask him to send his parents to your home. Then you can easily jusge his reactions. It will help you to figure out your further steps.

Offer your regular prayes, ask ALLAH for help and I am quite sure you will get a way. ALLAH will help you. I can understand your situation but I will never ever suggest you to go against your parents. Because after 20 years, you will face the same what you will do to your parents today.

Try to remain calm and think positive. Dont feel your paresnts your enemy.
Feel free to share and discuss your feelings.
All the best for your future.
Regards
~~HITMAN~~ Group: Members  Joined: 09th May, 2011  Topic: 122  Post: 4238  Age:  32  
Posted on:25th May 2008, 5:16pm
 

good reply by seemi, follow her

ek taraf appkay parents/family hain aur dosri taraf appka boy friend.........app ko agar dono main say kisi ek ko select karna paray tou wo appki family hi honi chahiyai........app jis age main hain wo age of attraction zyada hai na kay age of love, obvious si baat hai app ek pathan family sath taluk rakhti hian......aur ab jo faisla appkay parents le chukay hian wo pathar par lakeer ki tarha hai........

is liyain app jis mohabbat main mubtila hian wo just attraction hai aur kuc hnahi, app foran us boyfriend say khamoshi k saath rabtaa khatam kar dijiyai.....aur jahan appkay parents appki shaadi kar rahay hain wahan kar lijiya......us cousin say mohabbat bhi ho hi jaye gi shaadi k baad jab wo appka khayaal rakhay ga.....

is liyain jazbaati faisla karnay say gureez karain, aur apni parents ki decision ko zyada ehmiyat dain na kay apne dil k faislay ko.........agar app apne parents k against gaye tou phir zindagi bhar k liyain appka taluk unsay khatam hojaye ga........appkay baat is baat ki gurantee hai k k apne cousin k saath shaadi k baad koi problem create nahi hogi (chahay us say mohabbat ho ya na ho).......likin is baat ki gurantee nahi hai k apne boy friend say shaadi k baad koi prob hogi bhi ya nahi.......

aur mera nahi khayaal k apppkay parent ab appkay boy friend ko accept karain gay, kyunkay wo appka rishta apkay cousin say karchukay hian.......is liyain appko yehi advice hai k app apne parents ki baat manay na kay apne dil ki ya us boy friend ki............good luck

 

josh Group: Members  Joined: 30th Jul, 2007  Topic: 47  Post: 2282  Age:  40  
Posted on:27th May 2008, 3:33pm
 

decision making....

will reply some other time...

lagta hai k seemi aur hitman kafi acha discuss kar rahay hain. par manay parha nahi....but where is the questioner?

Seemi Group: Members  Joined: 11th Sep, 2007  Topic: 14  Post: 3812  Age:  31  
Posted on:30th May 2008, 3:41am
 

Meenam

مینم باجی! آپ نے مزید کچھ نہیں بتایا۔ آپ کا مسئلہ حل ہوا؟ ہماری دعائیں آپ کے ساتھ ہیں۔

System Group: Members  Joined: 03rd Jun, 2008  Topic: 40  Post: 2284  Age:  36  
Posted on:4th Jun 2008, 5:28pm
 

very well done

Seemi i must say you know how to pin point the problem. If you really are 22  Would surprise me
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