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Relation-Ship Of Husband And Wife: What Should I Do?

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atifji Group: Members  Joined: 11th Apr, 2007  Topic: 1  Post: 15  Age:  40  
Posted on:14th Dec 2007, 6:22pm

Relation-Ship Of Husband And Wife: What Should I Do?

aslam o alikum!dear brother and sisters  meri 3 mah pehlay shadi hui hai.larki apni family ki hai lakin main nay shadi say pehlay nahi dekhi thi na hi baat ki thi bachpan main dekhi hui thi.parents nay shadi kar di hai.aaj 3 mah guzar gaye hain lakin mujhay larki dil say pasand nahi hai.jab k woh mujhay boht pasand karti hai,main sochta hoon k sarri zindagi uss k sath kaisay guzara karon kion k woh mujhay Allah ki taraf say pasand hi nahi aa rahi hai boht koshish kar k time guzar raha hoon.aik dafa chornay ki baat tak ki hai uss say to woh ronay lag jati hai agr rakhta hoon to mujhay har waqt tension rehti hai. mashwara dain main kia karon.
shaan105 Group: Members  Joined: 23rd Nov, 2007  Topic: 3  Post: 9  Age:  48  
Posted on:14th Dec 2007, 7:10pm

my re

aslaa,m alyekum....

shadi se pahlay larki aap ne nahi dekhi ....kiya  shadi ki baat ho rahi thi tab aap se mashwara nahi liya gaya ...

mai kisi ki life mai enterface nahi kar sakta sirf mera mashwara hai ke aap thora sa aur sabar karay,,

insha allah allah chaha to aap ke dil me bhi us larki ki muhabat hojayegi,,,,

aap un ko chornay ka khaal dil ma mat laye... larke ke liye talaaq dena asaan hai,lekin talaaq se larki ki zindagi tabha bhi ho sakti hai...(allah na kare)

mere bahi aap is laki se dostan taloqaat qayem kare us ko bojh na samjhe balkay aap us ko dost samjhay allah chaha to halaat thik hojaye gay


sunehri76 Group: Members  Joined: 04th Aug, 2007  Topic: 100  Post: 4632  Age:  42  
Posted on:14th Dec 2007, 10:02pm


ye koi aisa massla to nahi hai ke ap divorse ka soch rahe hain??

apko wo kyun nahi pasand a rahin?unki shakal ki wajah se ya unki adaton ki wajah se?

apko agar bad me is tarah sochna tha to apko chahye tha shadi se pehle puri tarah se tasalli karke shadi karte,ye kya hua ke ab shadi ho gayi aur apko wo pasand nahi a rahin?

u dont think ke aise me unko chorenge to ap uske sath bohat badi ziyadti karenge?isme unka kya kasoor hai?wo to puri tarah mukhlis hokar apko apna chuki hain,bakool apke hi wo apko bohat chahti hain.

ap kuch arsa aur sabbar karain ,inshaallah uska pyar apko uski taraf attract zaroor karega.

secondly ye bhi sochain ,kal ko ap apni pasand ki le ayen,aur uske nakhre hi na khatam hon,ya wo apko wo tawaja ya wo pyar na de jo ap chahte hain?tab ap kya karenge?

i think apko apni wife ki qadar karni chahye,jab bhi ap unko dekhen,unke lye dil me ache jazbat rakh ke sochain,shahid apko is se help mile unko exept karne ki,dusra unki khubyon ko dekhain..apko wo achi lagne lag jayengi ..kuch time lagega but slowly slowly sab thik ho jayega

nadeem AOL Group: Members  Joined: 26th Nov, 2007  Topic: 8  Post: 265  Age:  35  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 6:51am

to atif ji

Hope you are doing well bro !!

I just want to share a little story about a "Sahabi and Sahabia" The Companions of Prophet (PBUH):

"Once the wife of a Sahabi told him that you and me will enter into Jannah. He asked that how can you say that because only Allah knows that who will enter into Jannah. She replied: i have heard that "Sabireen and Shakireen" will enter into Jannah. We both will enter also because you married me, an ugly woman, and did Sabr and i married you a handsome man and did Shukr, so we both wil enter into Jannah."

So you have a right time to avail this opportunity to be the Sabir, Allah knows the best what's in your heart, when you will start thinking that this woman will play a role for me to enter into Jannah inshallah you will start loving her.

There is a dialogue (just telling you, in general it is said) : "Shadi us say kerni chahiye jo tum say piyar kerta ho", so you are lucky who has found a loving wife and who would also be the "Waseela" for you to enter into Jannah, Inshallah.


zeb Group: Members  Joined: 18th Aug, 2007  Topic: 114  Post: 13598  Age:  37  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 9:35am


agreed to all

ap bus Allah se dua keryen aur usey divorce deney k barey mein na ki achaion ko dekhon, buraiyon ko na se pyar keryen aur us ki care keryen, usko respect deyn..InshaAllah ap jald us se mohabbat kerney lageyn gey

bcoz agar ap ne usey divorce di to is se Allah ap se naraz ho ga bcoz ap ki divorce ki koi waja nai hai...

jungleboy Group: Members  Joined: 12th Dec, 2007  Topic: 6  Post: 94  Age:  36  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 10:01am

Don't do that !

agreed to Zeb !
zeb Group: Members  Joined: 18th Aug, 2007  Topic: 114  Post: 13598  Age:  37  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 10:16am


thanku so much jungleboy for appreciating y post
atifji Group: Members  Joined: 11th Apr, 2007  Topic: 1  Post: 15  Age:  40  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 10:50am

thankxs all for the seggustions

infact all of u have mentioned the same phenomena.u r all right but the matter is that she is not enough mature to bring up a child.despite myself she has to be in mother characteristics and thats she has not.she is a little bit mentally retard and knows pregnancy ,laboured,infants needs,and more like that.i have to pay double attention the mother and the childrens too.she is not enough educated (middle)just.and her age is 21.she was a patient of typhoid and and today also looks a typhoid patient.she has flat chest totally flat .no shape just nipples.thats her body feature and mentally,now tell me after thinking urselves where i m what to do ................NADEEM AOL bhai main kitna sabar kron.
nadeem AOL Group: Members  Joined: 26th Nov, 2007  Topic: 8  Post: 265  Age:  35  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 12:31pm

to atif ji

Bro i could only tell you to keep your relationship continue. How long you will have to wait and do Sabr, i can't say anyting about it.

My freind in Lahore also got the same problem. He used to give priority more than 50% to beauty and then come the other things. He recently got married with a girl who is elder than him and got each and every quality which a girl must have in her but she is not beautiful. Sorry to say, he says that she is ugly. She does not have enough good complexion that he could adjust. His mother told his father not to engage him in that family but his father said now it's the matter of our family status and sacrificed his son's likings. He was planing to divorce her but he says that "yaar jab main us ki adaat ki taraf dekhta hoon to main chup ho jata hoon". She is extremely co-operative. Whole family like her but the he (husband) does not like to even talk about her. He had many plans for future but he seems to be disappointed.

Divorce is a Legal act which Allah does not like. You are on a stage where you have choose one of the options. Do learn Dua-e-Istakhara and make it your daily routine to recite, inshallah Allah will help you to choose the right things to do.

I would also like to comment our family system which is good where parents help their children to choose life partners but the worse situation occurs when parents keep aside their children's will. Islam has also given permission to boy and girl to see each other before marriage in the presence of Mehram of both of them and they can also talk to each other to ask each other's will about this relationship. But unfortunately espacially in our religious families don't follow these instructions of Islam which are crucial for Boys and Girls  and liberal families have followed it in such a wrong way that it leads to many problems.

Best of Luck Bro !! Have patience. 



Aag Group: Moderators  Joined: 21st Nov, 2007  Topic: 22  Post: 1130  Age:  39  
Posted on:15th Dec 2007, 8:19pm

ALLAH Bless U Both

Mai to sirf yahi kahonga ka ALLAH apki madat karai aur ap koi aisa faisla karain jo apka aur apki wife ka haq mai ho. Ameen.
nymphlike Group: Members  Joined: 16th Dec, 2007  Topic: 0  Post: 1  Age:  39  
Posted on:16th Dec 2007, 1:33am

Atif aap ghalti per hain

agar aap nai shadi se pehle larki ko nahi dekha tha aur apnay maa baap ki pasand per bharosa kia tu abb uss ko jesay bhi nibhao. larki ki chest nahi hai tu bhi iss main uss ka koi qasoor nahi. physically koi bhi kami kisi bhi insaan main ho sakti hai aap main bhi ho sakti hai. Tu kya aisay insaan ko chhor dena dena chahiey pyar nahi karna chahiey?? jo insaan khuda kay banaey huaey insano main ghaltiaan nikal kar unn ko na karda jurm ki saza deta hai uss ka badla khud Allah leta hai. qasoor aap ka saza uss bechari larki ko kyon milay. compromise karay.

josh Group: Members  Joined: 30th Jul, 2007  Topic: 47  Post: 2282  Age:  41  
Posted on:16th Dec 2007, 9:45am

Atif - Relationship of Husband & Wife!

atif: mere bhai give her some time to adjust with you and with your family. She is in a new environment, she need confidance, and u are the only one who can give her confidance, usay fashion karao, thori active karo, she need your support and guidance.

apko chahiye tha k shadi say pehlay tasveer dekh laitay ya phir larki dekh laitay,, aapnay usay nai dekha or shadi kar li, ab is mai larki ka to koi kasoor nai hai ? to phir divorce ki soorat mai saza to nai milni chahiye usay??? larki nay to apko force nai kia tha k mujsay shadi karo ?? ab shadi ho janay k baad sab kuch kar lenay k baad apka is tara say divorce ka sochna galat baat hai. apkay parents nay larki kuch soch kar hi pasand ki hogi, abi apko uski achi adaton ka nai pata chala bcoz abi naee naee shadi hai, ahista ahista jab understanding ho jaeygi dosti ho jaeygi to phir wo achi lagnay lagay gi.... ap ye socho khudaNaKhuasta kal rastay mai apka accident ho jaey Allah na karay apki tang toot jaey to kia apki bv ko khula ka sochna chahiye ??? definetely not.... So my dear brother ab ap shadi shuda ho, ab isay hi pasand karo. InshaAllah everything will be fine. Dont worry. doctors k mutabik jo larkian kamzor si lagti hain wo bi shadi k 1 , 2 saal tak sehat mand ho jati hain. usay apni dost samjho, apnay dil mai kuch na rakha karo,, jo bura lagay wo polite andaz say apni wife ko bataya karo k tumhara ye kaam muje pasand nai hai or usay batao k ab kia karna hai kaisay karna hai etc......

BeautyStar Group: Members  Joined: 16th May, 2007  Topic: 52  Post: 3584  Age:  31  
Posted on:16th Dec 2007, 2:47pm

Divorce is not the Solution of this Problem.

I agree with Nadeem AOL .......... App ko Sabar - O - Shukar se kaam lena chahiyah app ne larkey ko nahi dekkha Shadi se pehley tou yah app ki ghaltey thee iss ma uss becharey masoom larki ka kiya kasoor hai ? Woh tou app ka saath full compromise kar rahey hai ...... ISLAM ne bhi yahi kaha hai Shadi se pehley jaanch-partaal karleney chahiyah or Shadi k baad chup chaap accept kar lena chahiyah ...... Waisey Child-Birth k baad breast size khudhi hi sahi ho jatah hai .... I think She needs time to adjust as said by Josh Bahi .

Divorce app kyun dena chahtey hain yah mujhaey samajh nahi aayah ..... kyun kah Sirf Breast Flat hoon aur app divorce dey rahein hain tou its totally wrong ab ALLAH ne Insaan ko banayah hai Koi khudh se tou apni Physique  nAHI Babanat hai ........... So I think Sabar and ShukaR IS THE ri`ght way.
sunehri76 Group: Members  Joined: 04th Aug, 2007  Topic: 100  Post: 4632  Age:  42  
Posted on:16th Dec 2007, 4:58pm

well said

Josh ,nadeel aol,--

ap sab bilkul thik keh rahe ho,mai bhi yehi kehna chah rahi thi......

i want to continue,ap abhi se kaise keh sakte hain ke wo bachon ki achi Parwarish nahi kar sakti?ya ye ke wo iske lye mature nahi hai-..

jo log unmature hain wo bhi apne bachon ki achi parwarish kar lete hain.aur uske lye na to high aducated hona chahye...pakistan me kitna bada tabka hai jo parha likha nahi hai aur wo bhi apni aulad ki achi parwarish karte hain,balke unke bache aksar bohat laik nikalte hain.

mere hisab se ,apka apna dil nahi man raha islye ap khud ko setysfide karne ke lye ye jawaz de rahe hain.agar wo modren nahi hain,to ap unko samjhayen ke wo khud ko kis tarah change kar sakti hain.wo apki sopport ke beghair kuch nahi kar saktin.apko unko apprishate karenge to wo age barhengi.

aur ap ye bat kabhi na bhulain ke agar apne unko in baton ki wajah se choda to khuda apse bohat naraz hoga,kyunke usne har insan banaya hai.aur ap use in baton ki wajah se chodainge to khuda bohat naraz hoga.

apki wife abhi young hain,apse pyar bhi karti hain,wo yaqeenan apki khushi ke lye khud ko bohat change karlengi,jaisa ap chahenge.maturity insan me waqt ke sath ati hai,tujarbon se ati hai...abhi to apki shadi ko 3 mahine hue hain.insha allah wo bhi mature ho jayengi kuch salon me.aur jin baton ka unko knowlege nahi hai to ap unko bataenn...

apko bhi sakoon hasil hoga ke kisi ki bhallai ki hai, Now chair up:)

aur phir humain bataen kya bana?

Aag Group: Moderators  Joined: 21st Nov, 2007  Topic: 22  Post: 1130  Age:  39  
Posted on:16th Dec 2007, 5:07pm

Allah Bless U

I agreed to all.

Bhai agar ap physical status dekh kar unko divorce daina chatai hai to yah koi bat nahi howi aur eska gunnah bhi hai. aj kal ka zamana mai larka larki ko bohot hi mazai sai talaq kahdaita hai aur divorce hojati hai. laikin ham ko yah nahi pata ka yah lafz "TALAQ" eska kitna bara gunnah hai...

Jo batain ap na kahi hain uski bina pa koi bhi apko divroce daina ka mashwara kabhi nahi daiga. Ap ko kiya lagta hai ka jab ap dusri shadi karaingai to dusri biwi physically bilkul fit hogi. Dekhain sehat to ALLAH ka hat mai hai phir ap kiya karlaingai usko bhi divorce daingai.

Jaha taq bat hai ka woh bachpana wali to jab koi new mahol mai ata hai to hojata hai aisa. apko chahiya ka ap unko sambhala batain sahi aur ghalat kiya hai. Mai to sirf etna janta hon shadi ka bat husband wife ki ezat hai aur wife husband ki ezat hai.

Ap yah kahtain hai ka unko pregnancy ka nahi pata. amazing. mera bhai kuch zamana pechai chalai jain to bohot si aisi  batain kisi bhi larki ko nahi pata hoti thee aur sab ahista ahista pata chalta hai.

Larkion ko chorain ap, mai apni bat karta hon. meri shadi howai one half year ho chuka hai yah etni purani bat nahi howi laikin maina kabhi aisi batain nahi sochi jo yaha pa unmarried boys and girls kartai hai like penis size, masturbation etc.

Ap ki koi bhi bat aisi nahi hai jis pa app yah sochain ka mai us larki ko divorce daidon. no way. jab apna shadi kari hai to woh apki zimadari hai. ap manage karain aur samjhain unko har chez ahista ahista sahi hogi.

Yah to kuch bhi nahi howa hai apka sath, abhi to pata nahi kitna big big problems face karna hongai apko ham sab ko laikin aisa divorce ka faisla karna meri nazar mai ALLAH ka imtehan ko chorna ka bara ber hai....

Thanda demakh sai sochain aur ALLAH sai mafi mangai aur ALLAH sai hi sahi rah ki dua karain . INSHALLAH ALLAH apko sahi rah dekhaingai. ameeen

sunehri76 Group: Members  Joined: 04th Aug, 2007  Topic: 100  Post: 4632  Age:  42  
Posted on:16th Dec 2007, 10:29pm


aag apne bilkul thik kaha.miya biwi ek dusre ki izzat hote hain.
Bili_miau Group: Members  Joined: 20th Oct, 2007  Topic: 17  Post: 871  Age:  31  
Posted on:17th Dec 2007, 12:13am

and also i think that...

bai mere bhai divorce is not the right solution as already said by other members...

u know wht if someone doesnt look pretty or beautiful than u can make them look doesnt always mean that the girl should hve a pretty face..u know mainting herself and hvng a good figure+ the sense of dressing can all make her look pretty!!

u can help her choosing the right means the dress the way she maintains sure she will love it that u care abt her! and then u can also help her by doing some mental exsercise....which will eventually help her to re-build herself again..

and she will be all normal again..

zeb Group: Members  Joined: 18th Aug, 2007  Topic: 114  Post: 13598  Age:  37  
Posted on:17th Dec 2007, 9:35am


i also agreed to aag and josh

Aag Group: Moderators  Joined: 21st Nov, 2007  Topic: 22  Post: 1130  Age:  39  
Posted on:17th Dec 2007, 7:04pm

Zeb and atif

Zeb i think this topic is full of points so speak on it.......:)

Atif: sir jee kaha hai ap. kiya apko kuch samajh aya , kiya apna koi decission liya. reply karoo bhai..

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