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Joint Family System Vs Separate Family Unit

Non Medical Discussion   >>  Discussion
 
 
* Noor Clinic *
nono Group: Members  Joined: 21st Jun, 2007  Topic: 9  Post: 33  Age:  41  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 10:44am
 

Joint Family System Vs Separate Family Unit

Dear All Respected members

A O A

Mera sab say aur khass female members say yeh sawal hay kay ajj kal jasay he larki shadi ho kar apnay susral jati hay, tu chund months kay bad he iss key kosish hoti hay kay woh apnay husband ko lay kar alag hogaee, asa keyon aakhir woh yeh keyon nahi sochti kay larkay par iss kay maa , baap aur behan , bhaieyon ka bhi haq hay

Plzz All members iss social problem par apni comments dain.

buttjee Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jul, 2007  Topic: 3  Post: 25  Age:  34  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 12:07pm
 

Dear Nono,

you are right this is common problem among married couples...  although this is a subjetive problem with very wide range of observations but what I believe this is all due to lack of understanding, lack of social and Islamic education. Quran says "apni rishtaydariyan nibhaoo" so obviousy it cludes brothers and sisters and even wife as well...

and there is one hadith on this topic... I try to narrate it (ALLAH forgive me if I coat it wrongly)" for a man, his mother is most important/maximum rights and for a wife, her husband is most important" which shows that a male should paya attention to his mother or parents and wife should pay attention to her husband.... and there are many hadith which show tha rights of wife as well... so I believe we (male and female both) should study proper Islamic educations to avoid such clashes... but I have heared it on some TV programme that wife can demand a seperate home for her from her husband....

any way... this is long debate which is totaly subjective to every body

but the best way is "miyana ravi" do just between ur wife and other family members.

best regards

 

Butt jee

khoobsurat Group: Members  Joined: 06th Jul, 2007  Topic: 32  Post: 325  Age:  29  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 12:33pm
 

nono

nono bhai,

aap ne bohot hi acha topic start kiya hai.

  • mere khayal mai aaj kal ke dor mai joint family system mai rehna bohot hi mushkil aur kahin kahin naa-mumkin baat hai. purane zamane mai logon ke ghar bohot bare bare hote the aur poori family aram se reh sakti thi but ab flat system ki waja se aesa possible nahi hai, to takleef aur pareshani se rehne se better hai ke sab auladen alag alag rahen magar parents ke pas hi ghar len takey un ki khair khabar bhi rakh saken aur apne ghar ko bhi establish kar saken.
  • kabhi kabhi ghar mai to bohot jaga hoti hai but dono parties ke dil mai jaga nahi hoti hai jis ki waja se ghar mai larai jhagre hote hain, in larai jhagron se bachne ke liye maa baap ko chahiye ke woh khud hi aulad ko khushi khushi alag ghar mai rehne ki ijazat de den kiyu ke dil bura kar ke ek ghar mai rehne se better hai ke alag alag ghar mai rahen magar jab bhi milen piyar aur respect se milen.
  • hamare prophet (P.B.U.H) ne hazrat Ali ko khud paala tha but jab unki shadi hazrat Fatima se kari to un ko alag ghar lene ka kaha. es se yeh baat zahir hoti hai ke bete ko apni khushi se alag ghar mai rehne ki ijazat di jaa sakti hai.
  • Islamic point of view se wife apne husband se alag ghar mai rehne ki demand kar sakti hai, yeh us ka sharai haq hai.
  • ho sakta hai ke bohot se members ko meri baaton se ittefaq naa ho but yeh topic sirf married log hi samajh sakte hain aur behtar reply kar sakte hain.
buttjee Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jul, 2007  Topic: 3  Post: 25  Age:  34  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 12:41pm
 

NONO

Dear Khoossourt,

I fully agree with you that it is shari haq with your point of view that in Islam, there is no concept of joint family system

bavajee Group: Members  Joined: 13th May, 2007  Topic: 14  Post: 70  Age:  33  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 12:44pm
 

well

pyar mohabat apni jaga...laken shadi ka ye matlab tu nahi k maan baap aor behan bhaiyon ko bhool jaya jaye.

iss bat ka ik doosra pehlu ye hai...k baaz aoqat mil k rehnay se qurbaton ki bajaye faslay bharr jatay hain...agar koi shadi shuda banda yahan ho tu wo iss problem ko behtar toar pe explain ker skta hai...

baaq aoqat close relative se door rehnay se jo peyar rehta hai wo mil k rehne se khatam ho jata hai..

husband ik taraf tu maan baap ko naraz nahi kerna chahta doosri taraf wo bivi ko b khush dekhna chahta hai....yooon baaz aoqat wo esi surat-e-hal me depression ka shikar ho jata hai...

behar hal har ik ko apne halat k hisab se faisla kerna chahiye...

shukria
Yahoo Group: Members  Joined: 29th Jul, 2007  Topic: 14  Post: 50  Age:  36  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 3:48pm
 

Nono Reply

 

Bilkul sahi kaha hai khoosurat butjee aur bavajee ne

Pehle zamane main joint families hi zyada hua karte the aur adjustment bhi bahut acha hojata tha lekin ab ahista ahista halaath aur majbooriyon ne bete aur bahu ko alag rahne par  majboor kardiya hai.

Joint family main pehle tho husband wife ko romance haste bolte rahne ko mauga hi bahut kam milta hai .

Saas susar  bahu ko beti jaisi samjhe aur bahu saas susar ko maa baap ka martaba dein agar yeh subki mentality match hotho phir  joint family set hosakti warna chalo ek alag naai duniya basana hi parega.

Kaun nahi chahta ke woh chain o sukoon khushhaali se apne biwi bachon ke saath alag ghar basale biwi bhi husband ko alag rahne par majboor kardeti joint family main agar woh set nahi ho paari tho husband ko alag rahne keliye tayyar karti aur alag hone tak sexual response bhi nahi deti aur aise halaath create hojate ke banda alag ho hi jaata.

But husband ko mother father sisters brothers brothers in laws ko sub ko raazi bhi rakhna parta hai. 

safeena Group: Members  Joined: 02nd Jul, 2007  Topic: 15  Post: 240  Age:  34  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 8:29pm
 

Assalam o Alikum dear members

                                                   ye topic aesa hay jis pe sab kay apnay apnay alag  khayaalat aur nazariyaat hoon gay

mayra point of view ye hay kay joint family system in haalaat main tu buhat accha jab dono fareeqeen(baho aur saas ) ko compromise  , darguzar aur bardasht kee adat ho  aur dono ko ek dosray kee izzat kerna (baho saas kee) aur izzat kerwana (saas baho kee apnay ghar main dosree loogoon  se)aati hoo

kion kay kehtay hain na k taali ek haath se nahi bajti agar bechari baho hee murawwat main khatm hoti rahay gee aur dosree janib se 20 times k baad bhi us ko accha reponse nahi milay ga tu wo bhi phat parti hay kion kay jab koi larki shadi kar kay apnay naye ghar jati hay tu us kee buhat see wishes  hoti hain jis main sar e fehrist ye kay us ko izzat milay khass tur pe jab husband se choutay behan bhai moujood hoon is kay alawa susraal waloo ko chaheyye k  nai aanay wali larki ko naye mahool main adjust honay main help karain bajaye is kay k us per apni chalana shorw karain

aur baho ka farz hota hay kay wo husband k maan baap kee izzat karay agar koi baat buri lagay tu ignore karay mujhay pata hay koi saas susar ko apnay maan baap kee tarah nahi samajh sakta lekin bara samjhtay hoye bardasht kiya jaye

lekin agar dono hee main bardasht nahi ya ek main hay dosray main nahi tu joint family system naguzeer ho jata hay result ye hee aata hay kay larka bechara beech main pista rehta hay

kisi had tak aadmi  kee aqalmandi bhi buhat se larai jhagroon ko khatm kara sakti hay lekin aesa kam hota hay ya mard bilkul bv ka ghulaam ban jata hay bya phir bv k bilkul khilaaf

ye baatain tu buhat lambi hain k kia kerna chaheyye aur kia nahi lekin islamic point of view se bataon jitni mayri maloomat hain wo ye kay bv agar alag ghar le k rehna chahay tu admi pe us surat main wajib hay jab kay wo aesay halat rakhta ho kay 2 gharoon ko acchi tarah se chala sakta hay  kion alag ghar lenay ka matlab ye nahi kay peechay rehnay waloon se talluq khatam  2nd ye tu sab ko pata hoga kay maan ka kiya darja hay ek hadees  e mubareka hay kay  "dunya main aadmi kay liye apni maan aur aurat k liye apna shuhar sab pehlay hay "

ladies ko ye baat buri lagay gee kay main ek aurat hotay hoye ye sab yahan keh rahi hoon lekin ye main khud nahi jo islami taleemaat hain wo keh rahi hoon

thanx

safeena Group: Members  Joined: 02nd Jul, 2007  Topic: 15  Post: 240  Age:  34  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 8:34pm
 

correction

"dunya main aadmi kay liye apni maan (mother )aur aurat kay liye apna shuhar(husband) sab se pehla darja rakhta hay "

 

faisee Group: Active Members  Joined: 13th Feb, 2007  Topic: 78  Post: 773  Age:  31  
Posted on:30th Jul 2007, 9:58pm
 

Re: Joint Family System

The issue of joint family system is such a complex issue, varies from person to person and family to family, that no single comment can be given in favor or against of this system.

I agree with all the members said above based on their observations and experiences. Opinions might be different if someone doesnt live in joint family or not for a significant time. Actually this is not a hard and fast rule that can be applied to every family.

Briefly I would add that the girls brought up in a family background where they are equipped with all domestic matters knowelde, maturity and taught the respect of relations, she can adjust herself in all circumstances. and if the girl lacks these attributes, she can't live happily and give happiness to even closest relations if she lives even separately. Its the basic mindset of the girl/bahu which matters and help her to adjust in the new family and get all the things done in her favor. Getting things done in favor of oneself while keeping all others happy is a skill and requires lot of sacrifices too, but it ends up in good results. We all know in our society, girl has to adapt herself in new system, not the whole family would change for her. These things used to be in minds of both families even before marriage and they well know about the life style of in laws.

Regarding islam, we always look for the things beneficial for ourselves in islam. Regarding the hadith members mentioned, if husband is happy in keeping his parents with him and to serve them, then why wife doesnt give importance to his husband's happiness as according to hadith, husband ka darja wife kai liye pehla hai. so us ki khushi bhi wife kai liye muqaddam honi chahiye.

The thing is, as per circumstances, everyone should decide for the betterment of their life keeping in minds the importance of relations.

thanks
nono Group: Members  Joined: 21st Jun, 2007  Topic: 9  Post: 33  Age:  41  
Posted on:31st Jul 2007, 10:33am
 

 

All member ka sukhriya kay sab nay iss social problem par apny comments deye ,

1-aam toor par dekha jata hay kay jub larki shadi ho kar apnay susral aati hay to sub uss kay susral walay uss say yeh ummed rakhtay hain kay woh jaldhi sub ka mijaz sumgh lay aur adjust ho jaee, lekin koe yeh nahi sochta kay jiss nay 20-25 sal kissi mahol may gozarin hon to uss ko eak dum dosray mahol ko sumghnay may kuch waqt to chahee.

2- Saas aur nandain yeh sumgti hain eak nokrani kam kay leyee aagee woh bhi bilkul free.

3-Larki key yeh kosish hoti hay kay woh shohar ko jald uz jald apnay kahnay may chalee aur iss ko apnay mekay (mother home) kay qareeb lay ja kar raha.

4-Saas ko apni baho key kissi taklef ko ehsas nahi hota , magar agar beti ko susral may koee kanta bhi lag jaee to wo bohat bari bat ho jati hay.

Dekha jaee to yeh problem sirf aurtain he apni nature ko badal kar solve kar sakti hain , jo shyad mumkin nahi.(its my personal opinion)

Jahan tak shariyet ka masla hay to uss kay motabiq , larki par shohar kay kisii bhi ghar walon key koee khidmat wajaib nahi (inclued mother & father)hay agar woh un ka koee kam karti hay to yeh uss ka ehsan hay , woh sirf apnay shohar aur bachhon key zimmadar hay.

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