boys attracting boys
Aoa. i'm 21 years old and I am worried about about my sexual orientation as I'm attracted to boys instead of girls. I always had affection for boys since my adulthood when I was 14. normally watching girls stimulates boys but boys stimulate me. i'm stimulated by seeing a hot and handsome boy. i had a girlish behaviour since my childhood as is the case with often boys and men. we all know that such peple are humiliated in the society. our friends and relatives humiliate us but Alhamdulillah I've overcome it. i now have manly talking style, manly physique(as i workout) and no women-like handy gestures.
but the thing i want to discuss is that i am attracted to men especially young boys coming out of age. in start of my adulthood i talked to boys around me that i liked but they thought something else. they tought i want to be fucked like ye gandu larka he. after a couple of incidences with my close friends i was disappointed. then i started being selfish and cold. i never talked about it again with any body.
i tried to be with girls like other boys. i started talking to them, got in relationship with them but it was never like i felt about boys. i understand girls fully, i can a healthy relationship with girls but my real pleasure is with boys.
now whenever i see a beautiful boy i just imagine loving him, kissing him, talking to him for long hours but i don't like sexual intercourse with them. i'm helpless in this. i can't control it. I've a lot of handsome boys around me, i cannot express myself to them as i know it is against our social values and i'd be degraded for this.
this whole thing is a psychological torture for me. now i always feel myself mentally ill. i just want to know that is me mera kya qasoor he. it is in my nature and i don't have control over it. i wish there'd be someone who'd know about all this and guide me through this, to whom i could talk about this but alas no one ever understood me.
i'm well educated and pursuing my career as a software engineer. this is the only thing i'm worried about. i'm first time ever sharing this thing online.
please if someone reads it knows something about it kindly guide me through this. i'll be grateful.
May Allah bless us all.