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my problem - Fear/Anxiety

Unmarried Boys Problems
ahmedsyed Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jun, 2017  Topic: 1  Post: 6  Age:  23  
Posted on:22nd Jun 2017, 2:48pm

my problem - Fear/Anxiety

my name is ...MOD EDIT: Removed real name to protect privacy... and i am from ...MOD EDIT: Removed real location to protect privacy..., first of all i am new here and my problem is that aroun 3.5 years ago i had some problems like fearing alot high anxiety etc so i went out to a psychiatrist in karachi , initially he examined me by asking questing and family history and so on he then came in conclusion that i am having major depression and a personality disorder of avoidant personality disorder that is in cluster c 
so he gave me setraline hcl for depression and for anxiety rivotil and kemadrin 
after all he clearly told me i can get okay if i follow his instruction he told me depression is not treatable but it is manageable , so as i started taking setraline hcl i started to get angry mood swings so on as time pass i was not getting well but after a month it was getting okay he increased the dose to 100 mg and around it took 9 months to complete my treatment and he gave me a clean check and told me way to stop medicines , so after a month many people told me that i am speaking fast and i was getting seizures and dizziness , and suddenly i visited a govt hospital there was a psychiatrist i just went to him to check out so he examined me and tole me as i have been on setraline i have induced hypomania so i contacted and visited my psychiatrist again as i was at my worst i had developed more fear and complications in my life , and then he told me that yes u have hypomania and described me a tabled and than started paroxetine for a month and anti psychotics after a month he told me  i have bipolar personality disorder and so on . he told me a different treatment and yes i was on psychotherapy for about 1 year and it was okay, as time passed i was not getting well but worse for about 3.5 years in treatment . and last time i visited him around 6 months ago he told me that it is clear that i have BPD borderline personality disorder it was hard for me to tolerate i broken down and cried alot he told me what happens in this condition in this condition emotions are high and mood changes quickly unstable relations and everything becomes unstable he told me that through medicines we can only manage symptoms of depression and co occuring problems but bpd is treatable only through dpt Dialectical behavior therapy and he told there is no one in pakistan who can do this so u have to learn from internet and apply it on your self as his last treatment did not worked i quit he told me to give him 15 days and prescribed me new treatment  i was really tired of trying and was getting worse
now after 6 months i was okay and had to learn life but from a month i have again high anxiety fear  obsesive thoughts  and health problems i am facing back , and Because of BPD which i have accepted i have , my relationships are at worst my engagement got broken because of my condition so please help me out what can i do or what u people will sugest me to do as i have 3.5 years in psychiatrist treatment now i dont want to go to any psychiatrist 

MOD EDIT: Appended title.
ahmedsyed Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jun, 2017  Topic: 1  Post: 6  Age:  23  
Posted on:2nd Jul 2017, 6:18pm

why no one is replying

please help me i have posted this week ago but yet no response
Rimsha88 Group: Members  Joined: 14th Oct, 2014  Topic: 2  Post: 150  Age:  29  
Posted on:3rd Jul 2017, 4:32am


I just saw your thread, You posted your problem on June 22nd, 2017. 163 visitors have opened your thread as yet. We can not say how many have gone through with your post and how many got some idea about your problem.

 People who have gone through with this thread might have no idea about your exact problem and they may not be knowing about the medicines and their usage etc. That s why you have not received any replies.

You are 23 years old unmarried male and doing Masters. 3.5 years ago you felt fear, and anxiety etc. And you visited to a psychiatrist. You got treatment (medicines) from him for 9 months, after completion of your treatment, you were told by people, that you started speaking fast and you were getting seizures and dizziness etc. Than you visited to another psychiatrist in Government hospital and he diagnosed hypo mania due to using some drugs.

You again visited your psychiatrist and were told about some more dis orders like BDP etc and some new medicines were prescribed, and you were on psychotherapy for the last one year and you were also told that some treatment (therapies) are not available in Pakistan and you have to learn from internet. It was all happened 6 months ago and now your engagement is broken. You do not want to see psychiatrist any more and you are asking for help here.

I must say your case is not a simple case and people who visit this forum, may not take interest in it, most of the people who come here discuss their sexual problems, many of them have minor problems like they wish to know what act of sex activity is allowed in religion etc. Some have some serious problems which need to be discussed to a doctor, psychologist etc., to get proper treatment.

In your case you must have some back ground of all these problems, I understand,  it all was some where in your sub conscious and it came out 3.5 years back due to some incident, I might be wrong, I am not a psychologist, there must be some major problems in your childhood and in your family. We do not know the history but these type of dis orders have some family history too. We do not know your parents condition and how their married life was? your parents' financial condition? we do not know how many siblings you have ? and are they all fine? or they have some issues? Have you ever been advised to change your routine? atmosphere, place etc? by your psychiatrist?

There are many other reasons behind all these issues and disorders, which need to be find out. Your past life, atmosphere at home etc.

There are some social issues all over the world and in Pakistan too. every one in this world have some issues, some psychological issues.

I visit Pakistan time to time and I am well aware with the whole situation there. Your anxiety, fear, must have some connection with it. Injustice in society, terrorism and financial issues, greediness,  all have made sick to everybody.

You went to see a psychiatrist 3.5 years ago, who referred you there? I think you must have visited psychologist 1st.

People visit psychologist 1st, than psychologist refer them to a psychiatrist, if needed, psychologists can not prescribe medicines, only psychiatrist can prescribes medicines. Psychologists work under the supervision of psychiatrists.

Please read it carefully and please do reply of those questions which are asked.

Wish you all the best.

ahmedsyed Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jun, 2017  Topic: 1  Post: 6  Age:  23  
Posted on:3rd Jul 2017, 10:37am

Assalam O Alaikum and thank you sister

first of all let me tell you i am a technology guy so when i felt fear and anxiety too much around 3.5 years ago i searched over internet about these so i got a suggestion from internet to go to a psychiatrist and then i went to psychiatrist in first session which was of 1 hour he just listened me very carefully and he told me i was having major depression and social anxiety and he told me to use medication for 1 month and then we will start psychotherapy i tell u it was my worst experience on depression medicines i was like dead person lying on bed no joy no feelings only fear and obsessions you asked some questions so i am going to answer them

first of all my childhood is traumatic i was always neglected by my father where i grow up was environment i hated most i was always falsely blamed at my childhood and use to get beaten by father every other day because of our relatives and so on i have brothers and sisters 5 brothers and 2 sisters , they all are fine they dont have any problem my brothers are those who never cared for me at my child hood they just thought about their selves now i am strugling for career dnt knw what to do i have left 4 jobs because of fear and thought to start some business i dont have support from father neither brothers and my sisters are married they are those who cared for me .

my engagement was commenced by my mother for me she noticed my health and she decided to get me engaged so she did that it was good at begining of engagement as time passed it went to be a night mare and got broken i am still heart broken .

i dont like to live with my parents and brothers at all so atmosphere at home is worse you can consider it as ill mannered atmosphere .

my financial conditions are worst because of no job at all and no support from father. and now adays not getting any job offer or a job thinking of business is just as dreaming it needs money

my psychiatrist always suggested me to overcome fear by going to the placed which i fear to go and face them and he always told me to change lifestyle like sleep on time and wake up on time dont use tea too much and i am adicted to tea around 8 cups a day . he told me to break tasks in to small steps and work on them make a schedule and make your life busy . go for walk everyday for half hour and breathing exercise

i also abused anti anxiety drugs for around a year and my psychiatrist know that i told him at that time so i started to quit them and got a control on that

i always wanted to live alone which i never got because of financial problem

now i am at my worst i cant live life i can do any work i feel too much fear and anxiety

i have problem of panic attacks in past 3 years i have got almost 12 panic attacks
i have tremors as well my hand and feet tremble by theirself

looking forward to your reply hope you can understand and suggest me solutions

thanking you and waiting for your reply
Hawk66 Group: Members  Joined: 07th Jan, 2010  Topic: 1  Post: 248  Age:  47  
Posted on:4th Jul 2017, 8:26am


I have gone through with your post and reply of a female member Rimsha88 regarding your problem. As she said above it is not a simple case. So it needs a treatment from a professional person.

She already has got some idea of your family and your childhood problems, like she wrote we do not know how many siblings you have? And are they all fine? Or they have some issues? Have you ever been advised to change your routine? Atmosphere, place etc by your psychiatrist? And your reply to her post, confirms that she was right.

You already consulted a psychiatrist, he prescribed some medicines, psychotherapy, and some other therapies which you learnt from internet and practiced it.

There are different types of neurological disorders and different treatments are suggested for cure, by psychologists or psychiatrists including medicines. Medicines have their own effects and side effects. You have already experienced it.

Your problem has history/reasons, it has been developed with the passage of time in years, and it cannot be cured in days. You have to make up your mind about its treatment. Patient should be self motivated and ready to get treatment even if it takes time.

The history you have written yesterday regarding your parents and siblings give some picture of your family and atmosphere of your home. I think you are the youngest one Among 8 children of a big family, you felt neglected and were beaten by your father which left bad effects on your personality.

Your last post shows that you did not follow the instructions of your psychiatrist properly, He has given some good suggestions like change your life style; sleep on time wake up early morning etc. If you do not follow the instruction of your doctor/psychiatrist/ therapist, you cannot get complete cure in time.

You said you are a technology guy and you search on net and internet suggested you to see a psychiatrist that s good people are using internet for some positive activities too, but I must say every information/knowledge given on internet is not complete or useful for everyone. People must learn from internet but there are certain things which need proper knowledge from books or a guideline from an experience person. Like Rimsha88 gave a hint in her post that people visit to psychologist first, than psychologist refer a patient to psychiatrist if needed, in your case you went to psychiatrist before visiting psychologist.

You are 23 years and already have worked with 4 different organizations, as you said you left 4 jobs. I am sorry, but let me say you should complete your education 1st than go for a job. At 23 people does not become mature, in this age most of the young boys and girls thinks that they know everything and have all the knowledge and experience but they do not.

Your mother commenced your engagement, which is another wrong decision specially when a 23 years old boy has some neurological disorders and has no source of income. I do not know why parents think that marriage is a solution of all problems. They never ever think the future of the couple and the coming generation.

You wish to start business, which type of business you wish to start? And what do you think how much budget is needed for it? What is your plan if you get the resources how will you start it? And what are the chances of its success?

I just suggest something for you here.

1. Visit a psychologist 1st with your file and let him/her take some time to study your case and cooperate with him/her.

2. Follow psychologist’s instruction strictly.

3. Change your life style, which is already suggested by your psychiatrist.

4. Reduce your cups of tea, Tea with milk is not good for health, you may switch on green tea.

5. Long sittings on PC is also left bed effects on health and eyes, it also affects your brain. So if you work on PC for long times, take 5 to 10 minutes breaks after every 45 minutes.

6. Long sittings on chair left some other bad affects on health, and it is a cause of sciatica pain too.

7. Get up early in the morning and take 3 to 4 glasses of water 45 minutes before taking breakfast.

8. Set your breakfast timings between 07:30am to 08:00am.

9. Try not to take more than 1 cup of tea with breakfast.

10. You may take another cup of green tea around 11:00 am.

11. Take your lunch between 01:30pm to 02:00pm.

12. Go for a 45 minutes brisk walk in morning or evening or take part in some game like table tennis or badminton.

13. Take you dinner just after maghrib prayers around 08:00pm. And do not eat or drink after that.

14. Try to go to bed around 11:00pm.

15. There should be 3 hours gap between dinner and bed time. So the meal may digest properly.

There are lot of things which are not written by you and I wish I could write more but I have limited time, I may post more comments next time. 

Rimsha88 Group: Members  Joined: 14th Oct, 2014  Topic: 2  Post: 150  Age:  29  
Posted on:4th Jul 2017, 7:18pm


I have read your reply to my post and comments of another member, I am busy and do not have much time to post detailed comments.

I will write soon, as it needs time for typing and correction.
take care
Rimsha88 Group: Members  Joined: 14th Oct, 2014  Topic: 2  Post: 150  Age:  29  
Posted on:5th Jul 2017, 8:43am


In your reply to my post you say you are a technology guy and after feeling fear and anxiety you searched internet and you were suggested to visit psychiatrist.

Hawk66 has commented on it that you should have made a visit to a psychologist, I agree with him, psychologists refer the patient to the psychiatrists according to the level of disorder etc. I think it is not your fault, because the environment /atmosphere of your home did not allow you to discuss your problem with family members.

I agree with Hawk66 that internet does not provide proper and correct information and knowledge, and it is not useful for some people some time. The knowledge is given in books are more authentic and useful.

In your case cooperation of your family members can play a vital role, unfortunately it is not available. You say you had a bad experience of using medicines, you were laying like a dead person . I can understand it.

Your childhood story and negligence from your father and siblings was already in my mind and I mentioned it in my first comments, I had some idea of the environment/atmosphere of your home.

You were cared by your 2 sisters only and rest of family members do not bother for you. Mostly these disorders develop in a person because of the parents’ bad relations, negligence, selfishness, etc. Sometimes disorders develop genetically too.

I must say there was something went wrong in your father’s family life/childhood too. But you should be thank God that, you have got education and now you have done Masters.

You said you are struggling for your career, you have left 4 jobs and you wish to establish your own business, but you cannot because of the finances.

Hawk66 already asked some questions which come in my mind regarding your wish to establish a business, could you please answer them? May be members who are reading this thread may suggest you something new, something good, which is not in your mind. May be those suggestion help you in building your career.

Now come to your engagement, your mother thought about your health condition and she decided to marry you and commenced your engagement. She might be right as a mother, but I again agree with Hawk66 that marriage is not a solution of all problems, you are jobless, you do not have any resources, You are depending on your parents or may be your father.

I do not know what is the financial condition of your parents/ father, but a huge amount is needed on weddings in Pakistan, and another person would have come. Your mother even did not think about the girl who was coming as your life partner, and the coming generation.

At the age of 23 person does not become mature as Hawk66 said, I do not know what is the age of the girl you were engaged? And what are her qualifications? But this wedding would have brought some big problems in your life.

You did not follow the instructions of your psychiatrist, which is not good, for your treatment you have to follow the instructions of your doctor/psychiatrist etc. otherwise you will not get the results according to your desire.

As you wrote your psychiatrist guided you in very good way, changing of lifestyle and routine, I also mentioned in my comments. Hawk66 has given very good suggestions that may help you to overcome your fear and anxiety, specially the time table he recommended for your breakfast, lunch and dinner is ideal. And taking 3 to 4 glasses of water 45 minutes before your breakfast and taking part in games is really good.

When you start playing games with some exercise, it leaves good effects on your body and brain, And sitting for long times on chair and using PC is not good for health, and it seems you are addicted to tea, you have to reduce it, it is not good for health. Please try to follow those instructions.

You still have time and potential, you may go to a psychologist now with your file and take session with psychologist, tell all the history, you can improve; you just need to concentrate on your treatment.

We know you have been in troubles from your childhood, but still you have a lot of things, you have parents, roof, education, and facilities to see a psychiatrist and you can search something about your problems/ disorders, God has given so many things which some people do not have in Pakistan. Just count your blessings.

Take care.

ahmedsyed Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jun, 2017  Topic: 1  Post: 6  Age:  23  
Posted on:5th Jul 2017, 6:59pm

Assalam o alaikum

thanks for replying
like i told you i was in a very long treatment which did not worked and my psychiatrist at final meeting told me that he wants 15 days more and prescribed me new medications and told me that he is not getting my case and it is clear i have Borderline personality disorder he cleared me that if in 15 days you dont get results i will refer your case to someone who will handle it so i was crying and thinking after such long treatment and money spent on it was too much and i was not able to afford someone new who will definitely charge good amount of money and medications as well for therapy as i am in financial crisis no support from family i have learned alot i posted here to get suggestions from you people on what i can do to better understand and lead a good life like now i am emotionally unstable i have still pain in my heart over my engagement which got broken so . why people dont understand me my pain my feelings why dont they just support it can be in terms of giving love and taking care so what so ever i have found that if i am going to marry someone the person will not accept me as normal or she will leave me because so many people think that having mental illness means you are of no work i dont believe this let me ask from you people will someone really accept with my disorder

and i wanted to start online business of shopping , or online web design and software solutions these two are always on my mind

and i have spent alot of time and alot of energy and my earned money on treatment of mine which controlled my depression but there are other problems with me like obsessions mood swings faster from happy to sad from smiling to crying from hating to loving this all happens with me and i have learned alot in terms of controling all these but still wanted some genuine suggestions from you people

thank you
ahmedsyed Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jun, 2017  Topic: 1  Post: 6  Age:  23  
Posted on:5th Jul 2017, 7:04pm

Some more info

As i have my self researched on Borderline personality disorder i know it very well since a year i am learning about it online and on different websites i have come to know many opinions and ideas . i am well aware this takes years to control your emotions . so your comments are welcomed and your suggestions could really help me

waiting for your comments and sincere suggestions
ahmedsyed Group: Members  Joined: 22nd Jun, 2017  Topic: 1  Post: 6  Age:  23  
Posted on:11th Jul 2017, 5:51pm

waiting for senior and dr's reply

i am waiting for professional and senior members to reply on my problem thanks
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