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Istekharey k bad Engagement tor dena.
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Istekharey k bad Engagement tor dena.

Social Problem
 
 
A@A@A Group: Members  Joined: 12th Apr, 2018  Topic: 1  Post: 3  Age:  27  
Posted on:12th Apr 2018, 8:19pm
 

Istekharey k bad Engagement tor dena.

Asalam o alikum
I am new member It is my first post. i want to share my problem and i need your suggestions and prayers.
I am studying in Germany. 5 months phele meri aik larky se bat hoi he is also studying in Germany. 2 years phele bhi meri sirf us se German Visa se related facebook group me bat hoi thi usk bad kabhi contact nahi hua..we are studying in different cities. but 5 months phele mujhe aik kam tha tu main ne us se contact kia is bar humri zyada bat hoi humri achi understanding hogai wo aik naik aur shareef larka hai well educated and religious humri soch , likes and dislikes buht match karty hain tu humri buht jaldi achi understanding hogai even hum kabhi mily bhi nahi thy..

usne mujhe propose kar diya thora sochny aur Istekharey k Positive hony k bad i accepted. jab meri us se bat hoi tu un dino me Pakistan me thi aur wo Germany me.. jab usne mujhe propose kia tu itefaq se 1 week bad hi usko aik interview k lye Pakistan ana para.. hum dono ne aik dosrey k bare me apni families ko bhi bata diya tha aur usne Pakistan any k bad apni family ko mere ghar bhej dya unko main pasand agai.. usk 15 days bad mere parents unk ghar gaye mere parents ko bhi larka and family pasand agaye.. Phir mere parents ne Istekhara karwaya aur Positive tha usk bad rishta kar dya.. tu unki family ne nikkah k lye kaha kyun k humen wapis Germany jana tha tu decide hua abhi nikkah kar dety hain 6 months bad shadi.. tu 1 week k ander hi nikkah ki date bhi fix hogai shopping hogai relatives ko invitations de dye..
aur nikkah se 2 din phele unk father ne nikkah k lye mana kar dya keh unk ghar me kuch jhagra hogay hai tu wo postponed kar rahy.. mere parents k tu jese sar pe asman tot para.. sabh ko nikkah k invitation tak de dye thy izat ka mamla.. phir ye kaha sabh ko keh kisi ki death hogai hai tu filhal postponed kar dya hai...
meri larkey se bat hoi wo buht pershan horha tha usne bataya keh unk Phupho chachu wagera naraz horahy k itni jaldi rishta kar lya aur foran nikkah bhi kar rahy etc.. aur unk father ne apny baity ko kaha keh unho ne istekhara kia tha wo sahi nahi aya tu unka dil mutmaen nahi shadi k lye...aur unho ne mana kar diya..
main ne larky ko kaha keh ye tu ziadti hai nikkah fix karny k bad ye sabh kyun kia.. meri mere parents ki izat ka mamla hai.. Istekhara rishta karny se phele kia jata hai.. jab k main ne mere parents ne phele kia aur wo positive tha tab rishty k lye han ki... usk father ne kaha k isthekhra phele kia tha lekin kisi ko bataya nahi tha aur ab unka dil mutmaen nahi.. 
Us din se main buht pershan hun her waqt tension me rehti hun na study hoti hai na koi kam kar pati hun.. gum sum se rehti hun kuch samjh nahi ata main kia karon ?? 
us larky ne apne father ko manaya lekin nahi many hum dono aik dosrey ko pasand karty hain.. usk father jab k bht religious hain lekin mujhe samjh nahi ata ye kesi bat hai Islam me tu hai kisi ka dil na toro khud takleef me reh lo kisi aur ko takleef na pohnchao.. kisi ki izat na jany do...   agr unk father phele rishta hi nahi karty tu bhi mujhe unki bat ghalat nahi lagti... lekin kiaa ye theek hai k rishta kar k nikkah ka keh kar aur 2 din phele nikkah se inkar kar dena ???? is base pe keh ab dil mutmaen nahi ??
ap log bataen kun HAQ pe hai main ya us larky k father ?? mere parents ne abhi tak relatives me kisi ko kuch nhi bataya k shahyd wo shadi k lye man jain.. ap log samjh sakty hain keh is tarhan ki baton me larki ki life pe asar parta hai larki ki izat pe hi bat ati hai.. mera tu koi qasoor nahi tha.. mujhe samjh nah ata kun HAQ bat pe hai.... ap logon ki kia raye hai ???
i am waiting for your reply  
bushra2012 Group: Members  Joined: 15th Oct, 2013  Topic: 1  Post: 1832  Age:  81  
Posted on:15th Apr 2018, 6:44am
 

username A@A@A - Nikah ki tareekh tay honay ke baad istakhara

Aaj kal istakhara bhi commercial hogya hai.

Istakhara uss waqt kia jata hai jab baat samajh na aa rahi ho. Agar har cheez wazeh hai aur decision-making main confusion naheen, to phir decision lelia jae aur barkat ki dua ki jae.

Aap ne capital kar kar ke "HAQ" baar baar kyun likha?
A@A@A Group: Members  Joined: 12th Apr, 2018  Topic: 1  Post: 3  Age:  27  
Posted on:15th Apr 2018, 10:29am
 

Bushra

Thank you for your reply on my post.

main ne bataya humri nikkah ki date bhi fix hogai aur 2 din phele larky k father ne nikkah se inkar kar dya.. apne bety ko kaha keh unho ne khud istekhara kya tha aur khwuab acha nazar nahi aya ab unka is rishty k lye dil nahi man raha..

jab k main ne mere ghar walon ne rishta teh karny se phele istekhra kia tha aur wo positive hai humara rishta behter hai.. aur jab k har bat wazeh hai hum dono aik dosry ko buht pasand karty hain humri families ko bhi pasand agye thy.. koi kisi kisam ki confusion nhi hai.

aur dosri bat ye bhi hai keh us larkey k chachu phophu usk father se naraz huey k itni jaldi rishta teh kyun kia aur itni jaldi nikkah kar rahy.. yani wo nahi chaha rahy thy k humra nikkah ho..

main larky ko ye kehti hun k apk father ko ye sabh rishta teh karny se phele aur nikkah ki date se phele karna chahye tha.. ab mera kia qasoor hai mere relatives aur sab logon me tu ye bat hogai k mera rishta uskk sath hogaya aur nikkah horha tha..

HAQ islye likha keh main ye pochna chahti kia unho ne ye thek kia hai ??? kia is tarhan deen me ijazat hai keh nikkah ki tareekh teh kardo phir keh do dil nahi man raha.. beshak phir larki ki zindagi pe uska bura asar parhy.. uski usk parents ki sab k samny izat jaye..
hamzapk_9 Group: Members  Joined: 26th Apr, 2015  Topic: 12  Post: 65  Age:  22  
Posted on:15th Apr 2018, 12:27pm
 

Reply:

Wa alaikumussalam,
Welcome to this forum.
Well, as you said earlyer that they refused before two days of marriage excusing
with non-positive result of istikhara, I can guess that they lied to you.
I said because it could be a gental way of refusing.
Humare eastern muashre maion, rise dar so bahane banate hainapne ana ki khatir wo aksar rishte main tang ara dete hain. Ap kya samajhti hain k jo ap ne hume bataya wo kya sb us larke k ghar walo ko nahin bataya ho ga k larke ko larki bahar mulk main pasand ai hain. humare muashre k purane log aj bhi azad khual larkiyon ko apne liye bura samajhte hain. warrna ap khud hi sochiye k dono fammilies ka result different kase aa sakta hai. or istikhara main truth pta chle iske liye zzaaroori hai k insan kafi ziada ibadat guzar hoo.
Mera matlab ap k emanyat p sawalia neshan lagane ka nahin balke ye batana hai k insan ko sochna chhahiye k shd usne wo bat thk sy smjhi hi na ho. abh istikhaa ki bunyad p kisi familyu ko muashre main badnam karna kahan ki hikmat hai.
Baqi ap Allah sy dua karen k Allah ap dono k darmyan sab acha kare. Lekin har waqt bat main istikhara bhi koi aqal mandi nahin hai. ap ko ikhtilafe rai ka haq lekin ye bat bhi to sahi hai na k agr hum future ko prodict karke marriages or degar decisions lene lagain gae to phir to aksar esa ho ga k resulots non positive hon.
A@A@A Group: Members  Joined: 12th Apr, 2018  Topic: 1  Post: 3  Age:  27  
Posted on:15th Apr 2018, 7:40pm
 

Hamza

Thank you for your reply

Ap bilkul thek keh rahy hain.. main bhi us lakry se yehi kehti hun aisa possible nahi istekhry ka result alag ho.. aur agr unko aisa karna bhi tha tu rishta teh karny se phele karty.. ye tu ziyadti hai nikkah se 2 din phele mana kar dena phir kisi zindgi problem me ajaye.. aur wo badnam hojaye...wo kehta hai usk father buht religious hain ALLAH waly hain.. lekin mujhe samjh nhi ata ye kesa religious hona hua k kisi izat ka khayal hi na rahy aur agr unki istekhary wali bat maan bhi li jaye tu kya Deen me aisa hai k chahye kisi izat jaye ya kisi ki zindagi barbad ho lekin bs jo istekhry me aya wohi karo..

Lekin mera dil nahi manta mujhe yehi lagta keh unk relatives ne jo unk mind me bateen dali uski wajah se unho ne inkar kya hai.. unk chachu aur relatives ne aisi bateen kin k larki bahir ki parhi hoi hai etc..

Main heran hun education tu insan ko shaoor deti hai Baikhlaq banati hai.. lekin aj bhi estern mashrey me educated larki ko samjha jata wo azad khayal hogi.. ya achi nhi hogi... jab us larkey se meri bat hoi hai tu usne bhi tu meri nature mera ikhaq meri soch dekh k hi pasand kya.. we are mature we are not teenage k jin ko logon ki samjh na ho...

Mujhse study nahi hoti ab main her time pershan rehti hun.. wo larka kehta hai main father k agye kuch nhi kar sakta.. main manti hun humen parents ka farmabardar hona chahye.. ya tu usk parents phele hi mana kr dety tu main kbhi nhi chahti k zabrdsti ki jaye.. lekin bat nikkah tak pohnch k 2 din phele mana kar dena kisi ki izat se khelna hua aur pori pori zyadti hai.. parents ye keh k black mail kar dety maa baap ka dil dukha k kbhi khush nhi reh sakty.. i agree but parents ko bhi sochna chahye k wo kya kar rahy kisi ka dil dukha k... humry mashre me log religious tu hoty hain lekin deen se apni marzi ki bat hi nikalty hain..

Ab agr main larky ko kehti hun k apne father ko manao meri mere parents ki bhi izat hai tu kya main gunahgar hojaongi ?? Kia ye parents ki nafarmani hogi agr wo larka apne father ko zabardsti manae ??

bushra2012 Group: Members  Joined: 15th Oct, 2013  Topic: 1  Post: 1832  Age:  81  
Posted on:16th Apr 2018, 4:04am
 

username A@A@A - Nikah ki tareekh tay honay ke baad istakhara (reply-2)

1. Apka asal sawal yeh ke kia unhon ne theek kia.
A: Ji naheen, unhon ne acha naheen kia.

2. Asal main jo larka acha parh likh ke acha khaa kama raha ho, uspe wesay he bohot si shikaranon ki nazar hoti hai.
Aurat (khas taur pe ziada age ki) wo kisi bhi mard ko dekh kar yehi sochti hai ke iska paisa meri beti ke bachay paalne ke kaam aa sakta hai, etc. And that is the source of your problem which is internal competition and politicking between women.

3. Istakhara: Aaj kal istakhra aik baqaida business balkeh "weapon of negotiation" bana dia gya hai. Jabke istakhara karna he uss waqt chahye jab ... muamla clear na ho. Jab tehqeeq kar ke larka larki aur unka khandaan, sab theek lag raha hai to istakhara ki to zarurat he naheen.
Istakhara usi waqt kia jae jab muamlaat mubham ho, decision-making clear na ho paa rahi ho.

4. Kisi ka mazhabi-o-muttaqi nazar ana: Badqismati hai ke zahiri deeni hulya social power increase karne aur aur apna ullu seedha karne kelye istemal kia janay laga hai.

5. Larkay ki be-basi: Mazhabi gharanon main mard ki aur kuttay ki aik he haisyat hoti hai. Mard sirf aurton ki zaruriaat poori karnay ka aala (tool) hotay hain. Yaani ke naan-o-nafqa kamana, dahi la kar dena, sabzi la kar dena, etc. aur unki politics ka shikar ho kar aik aurat ke hathon doosri aurat ki takleef ka zariya ban-na.
Kuttay ki haisyat islye ke yeh sab mushaqqat karna mardon ka mazhabi fareezah mana jata hai jabke iss saari khidmat ke bawajud woh unn aurton ki shakal ya khushboo tak se mehroom rehtay hain. Balkeh jis tarah aik mazhabi ghar main kuttay ko andar anay ki ijazat naheen hoti, usi tarah mard ko bhi andar anay ki ijazat naheen hoti, because zina you know.

Kaha ja sakta hai ke in some cases religion is (ab)used as the greatest exploiter of men. Jab aurat ki zarurat hogi to mard ko bhai kahegi aur apni khidmat uspe wajib qaraar degi, naheen karay ga to kafir aur jahannumi kehlay ga, jab mard ki zarurat hogi to aurat na-mehram keh kar uska maaq uray gi, insist karay gi ke woh mard apni koi zarurat nahen balkeh indirect types of zina zina chah raha hai.

6. Iss sari soorat-e-haal main, woh sahab (dulha sahab) kuch na kar sakain ge. Aap ki khush-qismati hai ke zahiri mazhabi outlook ke peechay jo ghilazat (=matlab-parasti and internal political gain) uss family ne chupai hui hai, woh aapko nazar aa gai. Jaan chuti so lakhon pae.
hamzapk_9 Group: Members  Joined: 26th Apr, 2015  Topic: 12  Post: 65  Age:  22  
Posted on:18th Apr 2018, 9:13am
 

Think of future

There you are Bushra mam! Well, meera wasita bhi ek ase hi person sy hua jo k namaz bhi nhi parhte lekin show karte hain k wo jase k boht ziada qareeb hon Allah ky. or unke daway wohi hote hain jo fake peer log khud ko shareyat sy upr wale darje yani tareeqat ka bolte hain. Unho ny sirf ek orat ka ghar sirf isliye barbad kiya k wo parhi likhi thi or apne ights ki bat karte thi. Or iske liye unho nuspe traditionaltareeqe k wo jadu karte hai ka ilzam laga kar uska ghar barbad kardiya.
Lehaza whatever happened that happened well. Ap bhi positive sochiye or apni zindagi ko continue kariiye.
Best of luck.
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